Well, well, well. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that I will now have one more drug added to my current cocktail. Tomorrow I will start Wellbutrin to add to my mix. Some of it is due to my seasonal affective disorder, some of it is to try to counteract the low energy and exhaustion from some of the other psych meds I am on already. This new one will make the count 5 psych meds now. Yeehaw.
It kind of bothers me, but then I realize I could be a lot worse off, like being hospitalized and or having to have shock treatments. It's scary to think that it could come to that down the road.
I was prescribed Wellbutrin years ago to help me in quitting smoking, and it worked then, until I had an uber stressful situation at work and started smoking again. Maybe an offshoot of being on it again will be that it will spur me on to quit smoking. Though admittedly, that thought scares the shit out of me. Smoking has been my be all end all for so many years, I just don't know what to do without it. I remember that being on Wellbutrin caused me to hate the taste and smell of cigs so we'll see what happens now.
I will admit, I did have a few drinks tonight. I had a long and stressful week. I know, it's no excuse, but I decided I need to get rid of the alcohol I had here and I didn't want to waste it. I know you aren't supposed to drink on most of the meds I am on, but it's not like I do it every night. I think the last time I had a drink was about 3 months ago, and that was one beer. Tonight I have had 3 white russians, admittedly on the strong side, but that's ok. I am on my fourth and final one for the night and I am feeling no pain and can still walk in a straight line. LOL I take that back, I hurt my bad knee today crawling around in my brother's attic and that is still hurting so there is still pain. :p
Anarchy in the UK.........boy does that bring back memories. I wish I could go back in time knowing what I know now, don't you? I feel so bad, because I have been working on my therapy and energy work and Reiki so hard this week, yet stooped to alcohol tonight. I guess it's like anything else, you work so hard and then at the end you fall for the easy way out. :(
I've been listening to my favorite music all night long here, and singing to it badly. I wish I could sing. I seem to do better on lower note singers like Everlast, Joe Cocker, Marl Knopfler and Johnny Cash. I guess I have that "whiskey voice" even thought I don't drink whiskey. LOL
I've had lots of trouble sleeping this week, but I have a feeling I won't have that problem tonight! I am not advocating alcohol abuse, but I think once in a great while if you cut loose and you aren't hurting anyone and not really hurting yourself too bad, what the Hell. We are only human after all. Maybe it's because I am Irish and feel things so strongly and have too much empathy for my own good. Maybe it's because I'm mentally unstable and can only be pushed so far before I break. I don't know. I just know that right now I am feeling better and more at ease and relaxed than I have all week, even though I was doing "all the right things." I guess that's my rebellious spirit at work. Speaking of, I want another tattoo. I want a Raven sitting on top of a skull that has a snake entwined through it, with the Raven croaking out "NEVERMORE" from its beak. I think that would go perfect with my tattoo that I have on the opposite shoulder of Lucifer resting his elbows on a bank of skulls with big bat wings over it. If anyone I know out there does tats, let me know because I'd love to get this done.
I have to admit I am really feeling guilty because I was working so hard with my psychic development class and my Reiki class this week and I ended up in the bottle. Must be my limited faith in myself. It just makes me so sad.
This is certainly an odd blog post, but it's where I am coming from so what can I say. We've all got our dark sides. It's all balance, Ying and Yang. Like Bill and Ted said, "if you don't know what sucks, how do you know what's good?" :) Something like that anyway.
I suppose I have babbled on enough here. Hopefully I won't regret posting this. Ah well, what's done is done. I wish you all a goodnight.
